A few nights ago I had dinner with a friend. We set it so she could help me prepare for a speaking engagement I was getting ready for. It was also a good time to catch up on things that have been happening in our individual lives.

That night, we got to talk about the various challenges we were currently facing, both professionally and personally. We also discussed the different dynamics of relationships. As I consulted with her on a particular situation, she advised me, “Pray and Say.”

Some people have their logical side dominate much of their thought process and they end up not being able to address how they actually feel about certain situations. Others, on the other hand, have too much of their emotions overpower every other part of their brain and end up saying too much with too much emotion and at times, very little thought into it.

I am part of the first group, as I often let my logical side decide on things. I often tell myself it’s okay. The way I feel, however, is actually not okay, but I don’t realize it right away.

So how do we navigate situations like this? When do we say what needs to be said, so we ourselves are able to process our own emotions, and even help others address their own? Should we let things slide because it is too little after all? When do we say, “It’s okay, it’s nothing, really.” I guess there is no clear answer to these questions. Relationships have different dynamics and what works for one will not necessarily be the solution for another.

One thing is clear though. We cannot simply blurt out the first words that come to mind and the emotions that come to the surface. We need to step back and think and properly assess things and situations. Ask ourselves the difficult questions, and give honest answers to it. Did that hurt me? Is it something worth pursuing? If I do not have that conversation, will I be able to sleep peacefully at night? Answers are different for each one of us. In my case, I am learning, to pray and say what needs to be said, not the other way around, where I say my piece and pray the relationship withstands what I said.